“Going through trauma has given me a lot of perspective in life. Most things are a tiny bump compared to everything I’ve been through. I can persevere through it.”
Lacy was sexually assaulted and abused by her high school partner. As is common in intimate partner sexual violence, her partner used emotional manipulation to control and isolate her. Though Lacy had not yet told her friends of the abuse, they noticed her partner’s controlling behavior and helped her leave the relationship.
“No one understood what I was going through and what it was like in that relationship. But when we were apart, I realized how great it felt to be away from him—I really wanted that freedom.”
Lacy first disclosed the abuse to a friend over text, who then shared her messages with the former abusive partner. Because of this, Lacy didn’t feel comfortable disclosing to anyone else for a while. When she eventually opened up to her family, she faced disappointment and blame.
“At first, I felt I should have known better, I didn’t understand how I could let this happen to myself. I felt humiliated, and I was told I could not tell anyone about the abuse.”
Lacy faced continued abuse and harassment from the perpetrator after ending the relationship. He followed her around campus and called her continuously. “He didn’t want to let it go, he called me so many times my phone actually broke. I felt paranoid all the time; I’m still paranoid of the phone ringing. I had really bad anxiety and couldn’t sleep at night. I would find myself crying uncontrollably in the middle of the night.“
Because of the abuse, Lacy also experienced PTSD, anxiety, flashbacks, panic attacks, and stress-induced weight loss. Lacy is thankful to her friends, who made an effort to support and protect her during this time. They made sure she didn’t walk home alone where the abuser could find and harass her and provided her with emotional support.
When Lacy started college, she attended orientation events about consent and sexual assault prevention. These events gave her a platform to speak about what she had experienced and to fully realize the abusive nature of the relationship. “For the first year or two, I knew my relationship wasn’t a good one or a healthy one, but I didn’t label it as abusive.”
Lacy realized she was dealing with the pain she felt by drinking and over-working. “I became a workaholic so that I could exhaust myself until I’d go to sleep.” She decided to reach out for help through therapy, which she had not done before because she was led to believe that seeking therapy was a sign of weakness.